Jon Stewart on Trump and Middle East: ‘Iran is a circumcision away from becoming Israel’

The late night host slammed the US peace deal with Iran, discussed JD Vance’s snub by leaders and the ‘Mountain Dew green’ reflecting pool

On Monday night, Jon Stewart addressed Donald Trump turning DC’s reflecting pool “Mountain Dew green”, his blundered Iran peace deal and wasting US taxpayer money.

Jon Stewart

On the Daily Show, Stewart joked that the US administration has been trying to find a solution to a “problematic waterway in a dangerous part of the world”. The host was referencing the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool, which has turned green from algae growth after bungled paint job.

“This is really fucking green,” Stewart said. “Did they replace the water with Mountain Dew?”

The host then made a link between the pool’s color and the name of the company hired to fix the problem: Greenwater Services.

“Quite perplexing”, he deadpanned, stroking his chin. “How did it get so green?”

“I kid, of course, it’s not about the name,” Stewart said, before adding sarcastically: “I’m sure Greenwater Services is a very reputable company that fairly won the reflecting pool contract because of their expertise and track record.” (Greenwater Services is owned by the Republican donor, John J Cafaro.)

“Does Trump do business with anyone normal?” Stewart questioned. “Even the pool guy looks like an extra from Guys and Dolls.”

Cafaro was convicted of bribing a member of Congress in 2001. “The pool guy bribed the congressman and now he gets the pool contract?” asked the host. “That tracks.” He went on to impersonate a gangster, saying: “What do I do? Let’s just say I’m in the chlorine management business.”

Stewart then reacted to a viral video of JD Vance being snubbed by Qatari leaders while in Switzerland for peace talks.

“Well, that is awkward,” said Stewart, after playing footage of the vice-president looking awkward as world leaders exchanged hugs and greetings. “JD Vance really answers the question, ‘What if a middle school dance were a person?’”

“Things just went from bad to wallflower with Vance getting more and more exasperated, as the mean girls just couldn’t see that he has a lot to offer too,” Stewart added.

“So basically, JD Vance is just there to pick up the white flag, get it signed, hand out a couple of orange slices, call it a game,” joked Stewart.

The US has pledged to help create a $300bn reconstruction fund for Iran, as well as to unfreeze the country’s assets and allow it to resume selling oil.

“So the ‘hard line, extremist regime’ of Iran gets a nuclear stockpile, missiles and money?” asked Stewart with confusion. “Iran is a circumcision away from becoming Israel.

Vance has announced that Iran has allowed International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) inspectors back into its country as a result of the US peace deal, saying “that is a major milestone for the American people.”

“Oh yeah, that’s a big milestone,” said Stewart sarcastically. “We haven’t had nuclear inspectors in Iran since, oh, when you started bombing them last year.

“The Iran inspectors only went in there after the JCPOA, which Obama negotiated, and they only left when we attacked Iran.”

Trump has called Obama’s deal “the worst deal ever negotiated of any kind”.

Stewart said: “I guess the theory is: why would you trade smaller concessions to Iran for peace, when we could instead lose a war with them and make bigger concessions?

“Well, I hope you learned your lesson, Iran,” he joked. “There’s plenty more concessions where that came from!”

Vance said that unfrozen Iranian assets would in fact benefit the US as they would be spent on American soy, wheat and corn, calling it a “classic Trump deal”.

“Oh it’s a classic Trump deal,” said Stewart. “Announce a bold action with grandiose ambition, and then shit the bed and then state confidently that bed shit was the goal all along. And finally, name the bed after Trump.”